Loco Motive

I can feel the boil beginning and hear the whisper of the heat.
The fury flows as my pump reaches its peak operating power.

Its not clear if I close my eyes or my vision simply fails in stress.
My fist grip without anticipation of reaching out but holding me in.

Frantic I truly try to keep on message and point dragging back again.
The feel of ten thousand wants pull the conversation in my losing direction.

Not to prove their value in view but to smash me with a turn of tongue.
Rage, its coming and I don't have the clarity to simply walk, run away.

My volume grows but not in value of production, now I scramble.
As if the lynch pin pulled and now the engine runs free of its cars.

The lacking for my worth in their way has won, and now no-one will.
No restraint of harshness in my tone or bottom to my blows.

I slash and pry ripping at any material that is the trestle that tied us.
Pulling in an attempt to collapse the conversation into wretchedness.

No words too cruel and no point to dreadful as my weapon now.
I swing away never seeing the damage I do to myself with each flurry.

My voice begins to scratch and fade slightly, sweat and pain pours.
All I wanted somewhere still there, hidden beneath rubble.

Passion that drove me decided that turned its favor towards wining a loss.
Understanding is what I sought, and merciless I too quickly became.

The fear of lonely never considered until the dark of solitary seeks me out.
Armor is but a hologram and my dread, the confirming my lack of worth.

My gut aches, my chest too heavy to breath.
The glare of anger gone, replaced by the blur of tears.


© Jeph Rants

Jusst.

• Like so many things that have their purpose and point yet if abused they twist and mangle the good intent. From pills to injections, from liquor to TV. Even the occasional curse word loses its fun if used in excess or in the wrong moment. (sometimes the wrong moment is funny though) Everything has its place and its balance. The internet is no different; it has a trillion things to learn. More knowledge than you could ever absorb and more than you would ever need to recall in one hundred thousand lives. Yet the abuse of it is not for that of gaining in that thing that holds true value. I believe that knowledge and love are the only two things of real value, everything else is just playing a game. Why do we abuse and why in ways that do nothing to progress our own value and yet instead view that which is examples of our lowest form of beings or find ways to bicker about "the rules" of the game? We need to look back and see what we have forgotten to take with us into the future to keep our humanity recognizable. A family unit (whatever that consist of...as long as it consist of love and loyalty) and real time working together to accomplish goals. Spending time with neighbors; when I was a kid we welcomed those who moved into our neighborhood. Now that sort of thing is "weird" or some other detachment mechanism that allows us to justify not reaching out to those around us. For support, friendship, safety, fellowship, or just a connection to another being outside of your normal circle of friends. To expand your circle of friends is to expand your circle of knowledge. To grow and explore other worlds right within our own. So many things are happening day in and day out that you could be a part of, that you could be great at, that you could really make a difference in this world, instead of just another paycheck. Use the tools you have and think of the difference you could make. Even if you only use it to advantage yourself.
  
  © Jeph Rants