Loco Motive

I can feel the boil beginning and hear the whisper of the heat.
The fury flows as my pump reaches its peak operating power.

Its not clear if I close my eyes or my vision simply fails in stress.
My fist grip without anticipation of reaching out but holding me in.

Frantic I truly try to keep on message and point dragging back again.
The feel of ten thousand wants pull the conversation in my losing direction.

Not to prove their value in view but to smash me with a turn of tongue.
Rage, its coming and I don't have the clarity to simply walk, run away.

My volume grows but not in value of production, now I scramble.
As if the lynch pin pulled and now the engine runs free of its cars.

The lacking for my worth in their way has won, and now no-one will.
No restraint of harshness in my tone or bottom to my blows.

I slash and pry ripping at any material that is the trestle that tied us.
Pulling in an attempt to collapse the conversation into wretchedness.

No words too cruel and no point to dreadful as my weapon now.
I swing away never seeing the damage I do to myself with each flurry.

My voice begins to scratch and fade slightly, sweat and pain pours.
All I wanted somewhere still there, hidden beneath rubble.

Passion that drove me decided that turned its favor towards wining a loss.
Understanding is what I sought, and merciless I too quickly became.

The fear of lonely never considered until the dark of solitary seeks me out.
Armor is but a hologram and my dread, the confirming my lack of worth.

My gut aches, my chest too heavy to breath.
The glare of anger gone, replaced by the blur of tears.


© Jeph Rants

Jusst.

• Like so many things that have their purpose and point yet if abused they twist and mangle the good intent. From pills to injections, from liquor to TV. Even the occasional curse word loses its fun if used in excess or in the wrong moment. (sometimes the wrong moment is funny though) Everything has its place and its balance. The internet is no different; it has a trillion things to learn. More knowledge than you could ever absorb and more than you would ever need to recall in one hundred thousand lives. Yet the abuse of it is not for that of gaining in that thing that holds true value. I believe that knowledge and love are the only two things of real value, everything else is just playing a game. Why do we abuse and why in ways that do nothing to progress our own value and yet instead view that which is examples of our lowest form of beings or find ways to bicker about "the rules" of the game? We need to look back and see what we have forgotten to take with us into the future to keep our humanity recognizable. A family unit (whatever that consist of...as long as it consist of love and loyalty) and real time working together to accomplish goals. Spending time with neighbors; when I was a kid we welcomed those who moved into our neighborhood. Now that sort of thing is "weird" or some other detachment mechanism that allows us to justify not reaching out to those around us. For support, friendship, safety, fellowship, or just a connection to another being outside of your normal circle of friends. To expand your circle of friends is to expand your circle of knowledge. To grow and explore other worlds right within our own. So many things are happening day in and day out that you could be a part of, that you could be great at, that you could really make a difference in this world, instead of just another paycheck. Use the tools you have and think of the difference you could make. Even if you only use it to advantage yourself.
  
  © Jeph Rants

In short.

Wrapped or warped it may be that all this is simply too much for some, well, most to handle in a stream of reality. We dream and daydream as well as fantasize about better lovers, jobs, lives, a total lack of appreciation for self. The truth of balance is it cannot be found by simply claiming to have it or continue to be so shallow in your own examination or revelations of self, that you cannot see, or feel more.

 © Jeph Rants

You can give everything and leave your hands empty. 
Remove the clothing from your back to warm them.
Take of nourishment and feed them to keep it going.
Relinquish all that you are in order to make another.
A piece of yourself at a time until you are nothing.
You can curse them for taking all you have to give.
It is truly worthy of such disdain for their lacking.
Nothing like that of waiting for one to give to though.
The want for being wanted for anything you have.
Lonely and self loathing of self and pity for it too.
Give freely and let them take all you have to offer.
Unless you want to have it all to your lonesome self.


© Jeph Rants

Do not need.

Don't need Jesus to pray.
Don't need Jesus to love.
Don't need Jesus to be.
Don't need Jesus to die.
Just a lone man.
Hanging around.
just a son of a god.
Just man who could pray.
Don't need this body.
Don't need this world.
Don't need this problems.
Don't need these fears.
You'll find me walkin
Or see me smile
I won't be there.
Don't need me for this lie.

© Jeph Rants

Are you meant

Philosophical argument, a shrewd method to strike at an opinionated target.
Make grand and profound statements containing only the slightest of fact.
An occult has begun to follow these basic methods of dialect that deceives.
Heavy secret that seems to weigh none on the shoulders of this off bread.
Taints the toils and strife in grand movements for greater communication.
A basic instinctual weighty enlightenment that seems to grow and choke out.
Penetrating even the most skilled of linguist with a subtle tone of indifference.
Nothing more or less than the honor of respect can find a thorough finality.


© Jeph Rants

Busy Tone

Saturday, July 04, 2009

Please don't call me today as I am in a foul mood. I don't want you to see the me that is out and about. Time alone is the only cure as I have experience. Go away too harsh but go from here and no look back. No touch needed but an offer would heal so very much. If you think you can help than you must more than offer. This is no sign of how I feel but just disappointment out. Its not you or anyone you know just everyone I do. Explanations would be nice I know but I do not even. Here I am and do not know how I got here myself. What did you think would be, a me always with smile. My middle finger is up more than the thumbs I give. Piss off would never leave my lips with you looking at me. But its time for you to do the things you have offered. Fix me, go ahead and make it all right in my uneasy mind. A mild attempt may be made but quit for fear of failure. Do me the way you want but I will never be that one fella. Oxymoron is being in love as you can never truly leave. Even when you do, which you will, you will still feel me. No whole mind time but the pieces will stick deep in you. I will lick this in my own way but you must stand back. Please don't call as I will just use you up and spit foul out.